What makes a person try to stay in a marriage even though it hurts? Usually, it is the child who is the parent’s consideration whether a divorce can be taken or trying to make peace and accept the partner’s shortcomings. The thought of the trauma that may be experienced by the child, the incompleteness of the family that makes the child sad, or the social consequences that are still experienced by many in Indonesia are the biggest fears for couples who will divorce.
However, surviving in a household that is not harmonious is not always the best choice because even children are not happy to witness the disagreements of their parents. If finally divorce must occur, how to reduce the impact of divorce on children?
1. Stop fighting
The bigger negative impact on the child is not the divorce status of his parents, but the fights he sees every day. It could be that divorce actually makes children relieved because they feel more at peace without seeing the people they love hurt each other. So, even if you and your ex-spouse are divorced, avoid getting into arguments in front of your kids because you’ll both be the parents of your child until he or she is an adult. This means that good relations and cooperation are still needed to raise children so that the impact of divorce does not affect more and more aspects of their lives.
2. Don’t vilify your ex-partner
The classic thing that divorced parents often do is vilify their ex-spouse. Usually, this starts when the parents are too detailed to tell the cause of the divorce to the child. It could also be that parents compete with each other to show their children that this divorce is not their fault by vilifying their partner. Or, parents perceive their children as “places to vent” so that they feel free to share their thoughts without caring about the child’s feelings.
What is the impact on children?
Apparently, badmouthing a partner can not only grow children’s hatred towards their parents (both those who are vilified and those who vilify), but can also affect their self-concept and the way children see themselves as adult men/women in the future.
Therefore, to reduce the impact of divorce on children, try to talk positively about your partner. Being able to refrain from cursing each other in front of children is also a testament to the maturity of parents.
Show that you have a big heart by forgiving your partner. Tell children, no matter how bad the father / mother, there is always a chance to become a better person, and they are still parents who must be respected.
3. Give a proper explanation about divorce
If you are confused about how to explain divorce to your child and what to explain, the following guide from Divorcemag might help:
– Mom and dad are getting divorced
– It’s not the child’s fault
– It’s natural to feel sad
– Father and mother will always love children
– Mom and dad won’t be back together
Limiting explanations to these important points both (yes, you and your partner should explain this together) at the right time and in a good way will help reduce the impact of divorce on children, while making children understand divorce more positively.
4. Provide a place to complain for children
Divorce can cause great sadness for children. Even though you are also hit, try to still provide a place to complain for the child. Tell him that he can feel sad, angry, disappointed with his parents, and you are there to be a place for him to express everything he feels. However, don’t get caught up in self-defense, okay? Do more listening than talking to make your child believe that he or she still has you through these difficult times.
5. Create a good relationship with your ex-partner
Your relationship is over, but parenthood will last forever. Children must stay in school, children still have friendships, children still have a future. Start practicing to suppress the ego for your priority: the child. Even though you don’t have custody, that doesn’t mean you can get out of hand in their care. The absence of cooperation between both parents will exacerbate the impact of divorce on children.